How to raise well-behaved kids

Now, before I start, I would like to say to parents that this may not work for some kids of yours (If you have more than one that is). This is because, different children have different personalities and thus, the way of coaching them differs too.

Below are what Shelwyn Tay, a clinical psychologist at Singapore’s Centre for Effective Living, says on how to raise well-behaved kids.

Give clear appropriate rules that are consistently enforced. This will help your child learn which is acceptable and unacceptable behaviors. Consistency is also important not only over time, but also among people whom are involved with your child. These includes; extended family members, nannies and others whom care for your child.

It is very important that parents themselves discuss and agree on rules which they would like to set. It is also vital to include extended family members, nannies and others whom care for your child when discussing on the rules and consequences.

An example might be, how many warnings should a child receive before being punished.

When doing the decision, it should be done in private where the child is not informed of it. Parents should NEVER discipline in anger as this often leads to over-reaction and guilt. Also, knowing that you have thought through the situation and that you have your spouse’s support will reduce the temptation to give in when your child pleads for “one more chance.”

Disciplining and controlling your child by force are NOT the same thing.
Disciplining is more on teaching, guiding and correcting. While controlling is just, from the dictionary, dominating and curbing one’s actions.

Rules should also be stated in a positive manner. E.g. “Hang up your towel after you shower,” rather than, “Don’t leave your towel lying around.” Specifying what is required is more likely to lead to the learning of the desired behavior than an arbitrary punishment after the deed has been done.

Many parents dislike the idea of using rewards to encourage their child to follow rules. They find that it is a form of bribery and they do not wish for their child to be born with the mindset that one should only do things if they got something back in return. However, rewards need not always be in the form of money, toys etc. It need not be anything in material form that will lead the child to become materialistic. Affection, praise, recognition and creating a sense of achievement all work extremely well as forms of rewards. When your child does her homework or chores properly, tell her how proud you are of her or give her a hug.